Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
