I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
