i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
