the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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