She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."