haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Plan B is the new Plan A
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
