I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs