I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex