He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.