Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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