those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
