It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He better not be in your backpack
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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