the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
