No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
