I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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