just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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