i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
