I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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