I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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