Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
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So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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