watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She even gives head with a lisp.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
