That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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