You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
