I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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