I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
