tonight lets celebrate not being married
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
