I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize