I think my vagina is haunted
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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