whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
