Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
