***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Four minutes until I can fart!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
