I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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