bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
