Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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