Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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