thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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