Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
