i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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