bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
