yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
