Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
