you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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