i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
