fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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