This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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