How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
