I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
