This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
