he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
