Everything about him screamed your future.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
