Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
