The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
