do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
