smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
