Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I supernannyed him into submission
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
