I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
