Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
