There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
