Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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