I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
