I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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