I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
