i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize