This girl is more easily done than said...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
