We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
