We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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