did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize