I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
