thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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