I accidentally burped into my bong.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
