how can u be prego again
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
