I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
