i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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