Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
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I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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