What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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